Friday, June 30, 2006

Skirting the real issue

They've done it again. And because of this hair-brained idea, many cities in India will miss seeing skirts in public. So, effectively, skirts and 'revealing' clothes will invite disciplinary action in colleges. The reason - to curb the rising violence against girls and women. When I first heard this, it amused me. Gave me a reason to laugh, after weeks of doing nothing and gloomy weather. Lets see the mentality behind this great move.

Its short and simple: Women shouldn't wear 'provocative' clothing, as a result, they will discourage the scrutinising gaze and 'helpful' hands of so-called sexually uncontrollable Indian males. This will cause a dip in the number of rapes and molestation cases. I say, think logically, for the sake of humanity! Next, they might tell me [hey, have I ever mentioned, I'm a dude] and my shorts-loving brethren to discontinue the practice because we would be 'inviting' trouble.

To those concerned with law and order, its a great proposal. If a woman is wronged, all they got to do is prove that the victim's clothing was inappropriate and bingo! - they have got an escape. The proving part is not very tough considering you can get a death certificate for a person in perfect health. So their work is done and for the records, another molestation/rape case tackled.

What they dont realise is that they are being systematically stupid [wait, ridiculous is a better word, what say?]. Even if a woman is naked, does a man have the right to jump his fly? So by all this, there's one conclusion - they still hold the woman as the culprit while the male involved can continue to live life as if his little johnny had never been naughty.

Its revealing to know that the number of sex crimes against well-dressed women is the same, if not more. Even those in burqas are not spared, so what's all the barking about? Such crimes will continue to grow parasitically on our society as long as everyone acts blissfully ignorant, oblivious to the fact that it may have already affected someone in their family. As more and more individuals come forward with complaints, they should be supported legally, more important, emotionally. After all, someone needs to think realistically.

Monday, June 26, 2006

The whole twenty two yards

They say cricket is a religion in India. If so, I become a non-Cricketarian [assuming thats what I can call its followers]. Not that I hate the game; its just too slow and boring in comparison to other field games. Im also bad at keeping a track on great players and big knocks [what you thinking, pervert?] but there are some incidents that I'll always remember. Here are some of them:

Inzamam, a bear of a man and murderer of the cricket ball, is known for English that would confuse even third-world countries. Though there are so many post-match speeches I would like to include here, this is one that will give you a fair idea.

Rameez: So Inzy, disappointed with your performance today?

Inzy: Bismillah-e-rehman-e-rahim. Thank you Allah.Ya, the Indian batsman is play very good today. We is try very hard but is not win the game.

Rameez: Any words for Dhoni?

Inzy: Ya, Dhoni is play very well. He is hit his shot very hard in our gaps. In start, we is protect our gaps very well. The grass is also thick.. But Dhoni is split our gaps with his bat (ouch!).

Rameez: Another ordinary bowling performance?

Inzy: Ya our balls is loose (Doc, help!). The bowler is went for many run. Asif is bowled well. Also, after some shots the ball is out of shape. Umpire is not give another ball.. it is tough to play with one ball.

Rameez: Dropped catches....did that prove costly?

Inzy: Yaaa, the ball is not stick to our hands. We is practice a lot sticking our bat in our hands.... but now we is more practice sticking balls in our hands.

Rameez: Any plans for the next match?

Inzy: Ya, India is on top but we is try to bounce on our back. Insha Allah we is play better.

Rameez: All the best Inzy.

Inzy: Thank is you.

All India Radio is the only source of live commentary ever since our TV suffered a massive heart attack. Most say the only drawback was that AIR didnt have sound-proof commentary boxes. I disagree - it was total entertainment. But it caused quite a lot of disturbance, and suspense for the listener, when a wicket was taken or when someone blasted the ball into orbit. Heres an example:

Commentator: This will be the last over before tea. Tendulkar is on strike and it looks like McGrath will be finishing off this session. This is a quicker delivery and ...... [noise] ...... Tendulkar ...... [noise] ...... hit hard in the middle ...... gone down (I thought he had had it) ...... [noise] ...... [more noise] ...... and its a six!! ......[deafening noise].

Its very confusing, you will agree. How can one be sure what has happened during those noisy gaps? Its true, half the truth is more dangerous.

Then there was Venkatapathy 'Muscles' Raju. According to me, quite forgettable a cricketer. Maybe its because I saw him just once on TV at a friends place; 'first impression is the last impression' sort of thing. So it was surprising when Kumble called him the 'best among my contemporaries'.

Being a 'finger spinner' [rather, fingered spinner], he constantly rubbed the ball with his spittle, sweat or who-knows-which-body-fluid for better grip. He then studied the outfield [half a minute wasted] and changed it to suit the delivery [another half a minute], pulled up his sleeve [thats how he got the nick-name], ran towards the crease [or something that looked like it], considered the right amount of flight and trajectory [as Laxman Sivaramakrishnan says], and then bowled a wide.

Navjot Sidhu's commentary is something one better not get into. It was anything but. Though entertaining, he was a negative embassador of the Indian sense of humour, if there is such a thing. Fortunately, he wasnt fined a part of his commentating fee for criminal use of English idioms, similes and one-liners.

But this sport undoubtedly has a magnetic pull on the average Indian. It continues to draw the attention of even poverty-stricken, gulli children. One day, I may understand why.

Saturday, June 24, 2006

The stone


There's one thing I receive
But still miss;
Lonely like the north star on a stormy night.
Witness to the waves crash on the rocks
What harm can it do - water on stone?

But there it is, the truth:
Stone withers away under perpetual stroke
The storm has won,
The ocean proves its strength
At the expense of an unknown rock.

Then there's the other stone.
Shapeless, ugly little thing
That a boy tossed into the waves
A decade ago.

The same punishment, ruthlessness
Minute after minute, the surf crashes
Onto the vast shore,
Onto the unidentifiable stone.
People walked by; some kicked it
Others drew hearts on the sand with it -
Nothing short of nothing;
And the waves crashed on.

But the same ocean, same strength
Caused a different story.
The stone found shape, smoothness
Amidst the violent storm.
Beautiful to the eye,
Silken to the touch was this stone.

I pick it up, and sit myself down.
This pebble has survived the storm:
Managed to defeat the unending ocean.

I swear I saw the north star twinkle.

This was a poem written in the dead of the night while exams were on.

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

I, me and myself


Welcome to my space on the internet. A quick introduction about me for those who may not know me in person:

I'm an Engineering student [monotonous, you may think. Hehe, you're partly right] in my Second year. But thats what I'm least concentrating on. Music is one of my passions, closely followed by sports. And by that, I mean the real field type [running after girls not considered by the Indian Sports Department though] - crazy, animated computer games a strict no-no.

Regarding music, I play the keyboards for an upcoming youth band. Simultaneously I'm learning the guitar. Apart from this, I can also do some highly convincing crap on the bass and drums. Looking forward to learn the flute and violin in the not-so-near future. Mostly into rock - contemporary, slow, punk, hard, soft, metal, noisy, imitate-an-udupi-restaurant-kitchen, wake-up-the-neighbours, make-the-dogs-bark etcetera. Too many bands to name so keep reading future posts to get them.

Football is the sport I play the most, though I like hockey better. Man, it gets no respect even after being our national game [I bet half the Indians dont even know that]. Used to play chess, table tennis and cricket when in school but gave it up after the Maharashtra Shikshan Samiti stopped awarding bonus marks to sportspersons in the 10th public examination. Other favourite indoor sports include burp competitions [my bro being the other competitor. He had quantity, no quality or modulation], talk-unintelligibly-for-the-longest [I got the award and whacks from my dad], cracking really low, stupid, suicide-inducing PJs [poor jokes]. As for the PJs, its a dying art. Nobody seems to understand its importance as a stress-buster.

But most of all, its human behaviour and psychology that interests me most. There are so many ways to perceive the same thing that sticking to only your way would be close to a crime. Yet, there is only one truth - with a million ways of pointing to it.

Most of my extra curricular time goes into the activities of a local youth group that caters to the emotional, spiritual and personality growth of the youth in the neighbourhood and the city [well, some of them could add 'and to the country'; they really have]. Its a great pleasure to see people from various backgrounds coming together to help one another in overcoming day-to-day difficulties relevant to youth.

I think thats enough for a start. So this was the first post..............ummmm, feels nice to have finally begun posting. Check out for future posts - most of which will be dedicated to every-day serious stupidity. But there will be posts on serious matters too.